Forgiving Someone Whom Did Not Do Anything
Open Letter to M. Hill

Sometimes, whether intentionally or by accident, we are wronged.
Sometimes, there are people (persons) whom were blamed for our being wronged.

Sometimes, in the midst of the whole process, a battle ensues, and, people take sides, and relationships are broken.

That does not take away from the fact that person was to be considered a friend/coworker, and, through no fault of their own, had to be considered “the enemy”.

But, they were not really the enemy, but rather just a part of the Bureaucracy.

This is dedicated to M. Hill. She was a coworker caught up in a battle. It was not intentional, she was just “technically” on the wrong side; she was part of “administration”, though, she did not cause my injury, she was blamed therefore, while the culprit, a higher level official, hid behind her.

God is good, and, while the chapter is closed in my life, one thing herein remains.

That one thing that remains is to say to M. Hill, do not hold, please, any animosity in your heart, or any guilt or blame therefore. God is Good, and I understand that you took “the fall” for someone else, although you had some part in the injury, it was not yours by intent.

What I say and ask is I am hoping you are well; and, I am hoping that you be well; and, I am hoping that you are not allowing Satan to persecute you in your mind. I am, again, hoping you are well. I hold no animosity towards you, while I feel otherwise for the real culprit.

I just wanted to say “Hi” and hope you are “Well”. Take care M. Hill.
I know in your work capacity, other have been wrong, and I am hoping you sought forgiveness and used those experiences to learn and grow; but, in this scenario and case, you were not wrong, and not the injurer, but to considered among the injured, collateral damage so to speak.

I extend a hearty “Hey”. And God Bless

Teniendo ligeramente [translado por computodora no humano, perdona por favor]

hace dos meses, yo estaba en la corte la presentación de documentos, entonces, vi a un miembro de la iglesia.
Él había terminado la presentación de los documentos de divorcio.

Le dije que estaba muy entristecer a oír fue conseguir un divorcio.
Sé la pareja durante años, y me pareció que eran siempre la familia ideal y tenía de todo.

Su respuesta fue inquietante. Él dijo, "Estoy contento y feliz porque realmente tenemos necesidad del divorcio".
Esa declaración rompió mi corazón. Sabía y sé el corazón ache aquellos maravillosos hijos va a pasar.
Y, conozco las aflicciones de ambos padres.

Pero afirmó que con orgullo, como si fuera algo maravilloso.
Que me daba miedo. Sé que la devastación del divorcio. Nunca es bueno.

Ella estaba en el coro de la iglesia. Eran felices. Ahora, la familia está destruida, pero él es alegre, algo que no tiene sentido aquí.

Mi oración es para ella y para el niño. Estoy esperando que ella no tiene la misma actitud que él hace, independientemente del caos que puede tener tanto causado.

Mis dos centavos, y que Dios los bendiga.

Es como una escena de guerra con cientos de cadáveres y alguien dice "que era buena y que debía hacerse"; aunque puede ser buena, un perdido y destruido la vida nunca es bueno.

Taking it Lightly

About Two months ago, I was at court filing papers, then, I saw a member from church.

He was there filing finalized divorce papers. 

I told him I was very sadden to hear he was getting a divorce. 

I know the couple for years, and felt like they were always the ideal family and had everything.

His response was disturbing.  He said, “I am glad and happy because we really need the divorce”.

That statement broke my heart.  I knew and do know the heart ache those wonderful children will go through.

And, I know the heartaches of both parents.

But he claimed it proudly, as if it was something wonderful. 

That was scary to me.  I know the devastation from divorce.  It is never good. 

She was on the church choir.  They were happy.  Now, the family is destroyed, but he is joyful, something does not make sense here.

My prayer is for her and the children.  I am hoping she does not have the same attitude that he does, regardless of the mess they may have both caused. 

My two cents, and God Bless.  

It is like a War scene with hundreds of dead bodies and someone says “that was Good and needed to be done”; while it may be good, a lost and destroyed life is never good.  

Escenario [translado por computadora no humano, desculpe]:

Un miembro masculino, hombre, del grupo dijo, "Mi esposa dejó el estado con mis hijos. Me gustaría saber qué debo y puedo hacer. Hace meses que No he visto a mis hijos." Sin embargo, "Yo estoy cuidando a mi hija adolescente quien está embarazada". Él dijo, "Yo no sé a dónde ir o qué hacer."

Respuesta: Es llamado "Los Derechos de Custodia/Visitación" por ser "padre de un niño" y necesitas presentarse delante de la corte para clamar sus direchos. Si usted está seguro de que es el padre de un niño, y desea ver a ese niño, empieza el proceso para la custodia o visitación. Una vez que hacer una reclamación o queja para la custodia o visitación, comienza el proceso de corte. La mayoría de las personas les resulta más fácil una vez que comienza el proceso de corte para ir adelante y utilizar servicios de mediación en el tribunal (de la corte) de Carolina del Norte. Empiece por visitar el tribunal local acerca de su casa o la casa del nino, y hacer algunas preguntas acerca de el proceso de custodia y visitacion. En la corte, ellos tienen formularios que puede rellenar, pero asegúrese de tomar información de identificación como fechas de nacimiento, nombres legales completas y números de la seguridad social, si se conocen. Y, si él/ella tomó todos los papeles con él/ella, entonces usted puede ir a la oficina del secretario del condado para obtener copias de certificados de nacimiento y, a continuación, ir a la oficina de la seguridad social para obtener copias de tarjetas de seguridad social, etc., que tiene un montón de corriendo, pero, adivine qué, usted puede aplicar para muchas cosas en línea ahora.

El mayor dolor de corazón que he visto es Padres (abuelos y abuelas) quienes dicen que no han visto a sus nietos. Pues bien, Abuelos(as)  pueden presentarse para la custodia y derechos de visita. Los tribunales considerar favorablemente cuando abuelos(as) quiere(n) ver a sus hijos. Mientras que todavía tienen que presentar los papeles de la corte, usualmente no es tan horible y tediosas como divorcio/custodia. Sólo porque los hijos adultos(s) no pueden comunicar y llevarse, no significa que no puedan ver su abuelo(a). Que Dios los bendiga.

Lo creas o no, secretarios de la corte puede ser muy amable y servicial, aunque no pueden darle consejos legales, pueden asegurarnos de ofrecerle prefab formas ya hechas por los tribunales.

http://www.nccourts.org/

Scenario:

A male member of the group says, “My wife left the state with my kids.  I would like to know what to do.  I have not seen my kids for months.” However, “I am caring for my teenage daughter whom is pregnant”.  He said, “I do not even know where to go or what to do.” 

Answer:  It is called filing for custodial rights/visitation as a parent of a child.  If you are sure you are the parent of a child, and want to see that child, then file for custody/visitation.  Once you make a claim/complaint for custody/visitation, the court process begins.  Most people find it easier once that court process begins to go ahead and use court mediation services in North Carolina. Start by going to the local court-house and ask some questions about how to file for custody.  They often have forms you can fill-in, but be sure to take identifying information like dates of birth, complete legal names, and social security numbers, if you know them.  And, if he/she took all the papers with him/her, then, you can go to the county registrar’s office to get copies of birth certificates, and then go to the social security office to get copies of social security cards, etc.  It takes a lot of running around, but, guess what, you can apply for many things online now. 

The biggest heart-ache I have seen is Grand Parents whom say they have not seen their grand children.  Well, Grand-parent(s) can file for custody and visitation rights too.  The courts generally look favorably towards Grand-parent(s) whom want to see their kids.  While you still have to file court papers, it is usually not as disruptive and tedious as divorce/custody proceedings.  Just because the adult children(s) cannot work it out, that does not mean they cannot see Grand(ma)(pa).  God Bless. 

Believe it or not, court clerks can be very friendly and helpful, while they cannot give you legal advice, they can sure enough give you prefab forms already made by the courts.

http://www.nccourts.org/

Legal Complaints:

Often people share their horrific experiences with the legal system.  One experience conveyed in the past was, a woman in our group stated that she failed to file a response to a divorce and received her husband received an automatic default judgement.  And, she said it was her husband’s lawyer whom told her she could do nothing. 

Just wanted to share a few things in response.  When dealing with any papers that come from court, just make sure you answer them immediately, even if that means writing a simple answer on a piece of paper and filing it with the clerk of court from where the notices came from.  Family court judges tend not to be so stringent on rules because they know that they are dealing with “lay” members of the public, whom most of the time do not understand what is happening.  Hence, if you at least write a response, in your own words, that would be helpful.  For example, I do not agree with what he is complaining about because x, y and z.  That is better than not responding at all. 

Also, do not ever accept legal advice from an opposing lawyer.  They are not supposed to give any advice anyway. 

Lastly, there is service of process.  The person in the group said her husband mailed the documents to her daughter’s house.  Her daughter signed for the document but never gave it to her.  That is a lack of service of process and can invalidate any claim/complaint.  Sometimes, husbands or opposing parties deliberately send notices to places they know the other party will not be.  For example, if you send a notice to Durham, NC, but know the opposing party left the state and is living in Wisconsin, well, you just violated the law/intent of the law.  You must properly serve a person, where they are living, if you know their whereabouts. 

One of my uncles, years ago, lived at the same home of his wife, my beloved aunt.  Well, he took out divorce papers on her, had them delivered via certified mail, and signed for the certified mail, and got a default judgment because she never attended court.  Well, she let him sly with that because she wanted the divorce, but, in reality she could have contested that action because she was never properly served.  Note, you have a limited time once you find out about such to invalidate any action. 

Just my two cents because it hurt me when I heard that happened to the person in the group.  

North Carolina Residents

FYI:  You can apply for many benefits now;  this month, I learned you can now apply for Food Stamps online.

If you need help, just let me know.  God Bless.


Los Residentes de Carolina del Norte

Pueden aplicar para muchos beneficios ahora; este mes he aprendido ahora puede aplicar para estampillas de comida en línea (por la computadora).

Si necesitas ayuda, hágamelo saber. Que Dios los bendiga.


https://epass.nc.gov/CitizenPortal/application.do

Note/Nota: the same link for food stamps is for Medicaid and other services.  La misma pagina electronica para estampilas es para Medicaid y otros servicios tambien.

Las Garras: Los Niños de Padres Divorciados

Y es lo que sucedió; estábamos en su sala, y mis hijos le dijeron “te odio”.

Este es el escenario típico que sucede a alguien a quien los niños piensan o creen que pueden llevar su papá lejos de ellos.

Me tienen todo el tiempo 24/7 y rechazan a cualquiera a quien intenta inmiscuirse en su territorio.

“El es mi papá;” no importa la relación con la otra persona. Esta vez, de nuevo, solo somos amigos, pero ella había atacada, y ella no entendía por qué, pero yo sabía que, después de años de ser atacado.

Yo me comprometí a no entrar en otra relación, a menos que la voluntad del Señor, y Él envia un misionera a mi puerta o alguien como La Honorable Madre Teresa.

Es demasiado difícil para los niños aceptar a otra persona en una relación una vez que el divorcio ha golpeado y destruido la familia.

Por lo tanto, prefiero quedarme solo con mis hijos en una nueva unidad familiar.

Esto es una decisión despues de ser un padrastro primero. Mi hijastra, hasta después del divorcio, nunca me ha aceptado ni agradeció "todo lo que hice por ella". Fue después de que el divorcio, se dio cuenta de que yo era el mejor hombre su "mamá" jamás, y ella dijo "gracias" por todo lo que hice y sigo haciendo para ella.

Sí, ha sufrido años de dolor y de ataques por mi hijastra, pero sige siempre ayudando y amando; y ese amor, continua, era una bendición para ella y mi, ya que ella tomo cuenta y dijo "gracias". Pero, no quiero que otra persona sufre y asumir ese abuso con mis hijos. No quiero que otra persona soportar y estar sujeto a comentarios y ataques porque, "tú no eres mi padre".

Por lo que la elección es para quedarse solos hasta que cumplen los 18 años de edad, con excepción del Señor/cláusula de escape. Es para el beneficio de mis hijos. Y, cualquiera que mira a esa decisión como "no puede encontrar a nadie", es un tonto y carece de sentido y de experiencia. Que Dios Los Bendiga.

Cyber Stalking:  An Open Letter to the Ex-wife

Wow, it was interesting two days ago to receive an email from my ex-wife indicating she is actually cyber stalking me.  She “saw the website” and made some negative comments.

Well, it is an interesting reality that she spends so much time stalking me, by physical stalking, and now cyber stalking. 

I would do think that once you are divorced, and have a wonderful and productive life, that you would not spend your time “looking up” and “monitoring” your ex.  Really, when do you find time to do such.  If you are “really happy”, then, enjoy “your happiness” and leave me alone.  That is what I am doing.  But no, you want to drive to my house, by my house, and interrogate the kids to find out “what he is doing”.  My children come back saying they are sick and tired of being “interrogated” when they go to your house. 

The song was “Don’t worry, be happy”.  Be happy with your new life and leave me alone.  You hate the fact that now I refuse to pick up the phone just about every-time you call, because, you want to bash me and talk about stuff that only exist in your mind.  Get help please.  God Bless. 

About two years and a half years ago, she made a negative post about me on Facebook, and, placed that on my neighbor’s timeline.  Well, interesting enough, once I clicked on the comment, it went back to her Facebook account, and then to her ex-boyfriend’s account, and then to their joint Facebook account.  All that I did not know was possible, and was not intending to “Look” at. But, that negative comment allowed and opened a door to Facebook accounts.  I printed those comments and took them to court, and, that was just the last time I have ever been or seen her FB account.  I care not to concern myself with all her negativity, so why does she want to show me she “hates” me still.  I do not care.

 

Really, it is called therapy. I am hoping you get the mental health services you need.

God is Good, all the time, please get your life together.

Lord Execute Judgement on Your Soul.  Please, leave me alone.  

The Claws:  Kids of Divorced Parents

And it happened again; we were in her living room, and my kids told her they hate her. 

This is the typical scenario that happens to anyone whom the kids think or believe may take their dad away from them.

They have me all to themselves and reject anyone whom tries to intrude on their territory.

That is my dad; regardless of the nature of the relationship with the other person.  Here, we are just friends, but she did get attacked, and she did not understand why, but I knew, after years of being attacked, why.

I vowed not to get into another relationship, unless the Lord Will, and He send some missionary to my doorstep or someone like the Honorable Mother Theresa. 

It is too hard for children to accept another person into a relationship once divorce has hit and destroyed the family. 

Hence, I would rather stay alone with my kids as a new family unit.

This decision comes after being a step-parent first.  My step-daughter, until after divorce, never really accepted or appreciated “all I did for her”.  It was after the divorce that she realized I  was the best man her “mom” ever had, and, she said “thank you” for all I did and continue to do for her. 

Yes, I endured years of hurt and attacks by my step-daughter, but I still provided and loved her; and that love, continuous, paid off, now that she realizes and said “thanks”.  But, I would not want another person to take on that role with my children.  I do not want another person to endure and be exposed to comments and attacks because, “you are not my parent”. 

So the choice is to stay alone until they are 18 years of age, with the Lord Exception/Escape Clause.  It is for the betterment of my children.  And, anyone whom looks at that decision as being “you cannot find anyone else”, is a fool and lacks sense and experience.  God Bless.  

I am a Christian Not A Human:  A reflection on about four years of Divorce Care

Yo soy Cristiano, pa que lo sepas; no soy humano, pa que lo sepas.

I remember driving into my neighbors driveway, balling, after being told by my children that “Mommy sleeps with Mr. Roberts in the backroom”, during the early stages of divorce, March 2012, about four years ago.

I had been a Christian since 1985.  I was defined by being a Christian, someone different and unique; someone set apart and holy.  I was super human. 

Well my friends, the images in my head that day were of having a rifle, in his driveway, waiting for both of them to show up, and shooting him in both balls, one after the other, and then the head, while simultaneously shooting my ex-wife, two for the price of one. 

I never thought in my life that I would ever have such thoughts and intent, and went was far as pulling into the Dick’s Sporting Goods Store to buy the rifle and ammo.  I was Christian, and I was impermeable to those thoughts, I believed.  I was the super Christian after so many years.  .  I got saved in 1985, and lived for him; and I was married in August 2004, and had lived through so many trials and tribulations that I felt superhuman. 

Not so the human side taught me.  You are part flesh and blood.  But it was God, and prayers and prayer partners like Joyce Davis, whom kept me out of jail that day.  God is so good

And then came court, if God had not delivered me that day, then, months later,  I thought I would get my day in court.   Well, now I understand why people “take the law” into their own hands.  That is because when they go to court expecting justice, they find a mockery of justice, and those whom are mocking it are the very ones “meting out a new type of justice” that has nothing to do with morality and righteousness or justice.  Now I am of the mindset that the very ones “whom need to be shot”, are those judges whom ruin the lives of so many each day, each hour, each minute, each thought, and each pen/key stroke.  But God is my strength and I am using the same pen/keystrokes and prayer to fight back. 

Then there was divorce care.  A place to find likeminded individuals whom overcame with the blood of the Lamb and Prayer and have support for one another. God delivered them and they are charged now with helping others make the same journey.  I walked into the room and a Cambodian woman was sobbing near an African women, near a Caucasian man, all feeling the same hurt, and all being there to support one another. 

I see the importance of divorce care because it was those like minded individuals that helped and supported me.  And, I have seen God’s mighty hand working in the lives of so many broken and distraught people.  Each group, a year or so later, those same torn up people that were presented are remade vessels in His name and living for Him. 

As I reflect on four years worth of divorce care, I say, it is one of the most important missions a church can have.  I have seen people convert to Christ through the love and support of True Christians.  What better recompense than a Soul Coming to Christ, and no rifles involved.  God Bless.

Rey, The Human-Christian.

Valentines Day

While single, Valentines Day was always a joy for me.  Why?; Because I got to choose and whom to send chocolates to and where to go. 

Then I got married, and, it was difficult.  Giving the chocolates most of the time, and not receiving was problematic, because, it was expected.  I had more fun being single with no expectation. 

Well, AND THEN CAME DIVORCE.  An interesting concept, because, the last two years I returned to my routine.  However, something new came about, my kids.  They got things for me in the absence of that significant other.  I had more fun these past few years with Valentine, since DIVORCE, then while I was married.  And yes, I am still single, and it is coming up on four years of divorce. 

Lastly, I remember a group leader and someone whom I know consider as a great friend.  He led others for years since his divorce, about 20 something years ago, and helped those get through that difficult time, but, he remained single, as he believed God led him to be and remain.  About a year and a half ago, he went into seminary because he wanted to help others on a higher level.

His divorce was filled with regret at times because he felt like through it all he could not engage his children in having a total ministry mind and he could not protect them all the time, during the divorce [by he raised them well and they are doing well, just not involved in the church]. 

I think and just say being single is not a curse and can be the greatest blessing ever.  Everything and event can and only be measured by how you respond, in a Christ like manner, and, as many say, turning those Lemons in Lemonade. 

God Bless and Happy Valentines Day.  If all else fails, it is a pagan holiday anyway. LOL J

This year, my dear friend of old, Liz, promised to bring a the biggest snickers bar, when she comes from NY on the 15^th [BFFs since 1990, even through marriage and divorce].