I felt like a Stranger All Alone in Church

I could almost see the glory.  The front two rows of the church, filled with wheelchair and mobility impaired people.  It was glorious.

My favorite spot in the church is to sit/wheel into the back.  Why?  It is symbolic?  Blacks where always asked to occupy the back rows.  Also, the people whom tend to occupy the back rows are the homeless and the poor, because, they do not want everybody to see them.  They want to be comfortable in church, and, if they sit in the front, then they will get the nasty looks and the whispers. 

Yes.  I felt alone.  I felt alone because again, I was the only wheelchair in the church. 

I miss and yearn.  I miss and yearn New York, and the disabled ministries that used to come the Belsky House to worship with all the “cripples”.  It was glorious beyond belief.  To hear people whom could hardly talk worship and sing to God.  Glory beyond comparison.

And now, March 2016, I am faced with the same scenario, being alone in church.  Wow.  The dread. 

Church has become, many of them, a place for the young people only.  You do not see the elders much in the church.  Grandma coming in to lead a worship and praise song.  Services begin at 8 PM in many church, but you do not see the opening at 7 PM and people coming in and immediately getting on their knees to pray and thank God.  It is the new style of church, and, I hate it.  Where is the popcorn?  Those people whom used to pop up and give their testimony during praise and worship.  It is gone “Deary”.  

Jesus and his ministry, he went out to get the disabled.  He went out and healed the sick and raised the dead.  Just read the scriptures, it is there.  Really.  But, very few churches have church vans, less handicapped wheelchair vans, to “Bring them” and “call them” to worship the almighty. 

I say this in dedication in part to Esther Flores.  The missionary whom came back for a few month, from Peten Guatamala, and shared with me what I term is “Missionary Post Traumatic Stress”.  Abroad, the people whom have nothing appreciate all you give them and worship God thereby.  She saw the orphans and children in need, and said, “I want to adopt all of them”.  She said, “You do not understand Ray, they are locked up and outcast of society”.  There, for sure, if you are disabled you are “warehoused” and considered nothing.  The same dedication is to Jennifer Frye, whom’s son sees the same thing, and want to stay abroad in Honduras.  He did not want to come back.  He saw the same needy children.  I am wondering when the churches in the US are going to see the same needy people, the disabled, in all their glory.  This is why I pray; This is why I hurt.  

Disability 101

The unfortunate reality is that some people are not born disabled.

Some sort of life event causes them to become disabled.  

For some it is drug use.  For others it is accidents.  The variety of causes are endless.

Some are born into the culture and identity. 

They are disabled from birth, and many due to some infantile illness. 

The problem lies with coping mechanisms. 

I have been a part of a wheelchair basketball team, Triangle Thunder in Raleigh North Carolina (prior to being the Wake Wheelers), and have seen something interesting.

Some use the sport as their identity, and can be very dangerous.  The sport is not just a sport, but rather it is part of their new identity.  Through the sport, they become un-disabled.  They become human again.  They are whole again.  

The sport should be for fun, but for these people, they must play in order to regain their standing in life.  They need to be human again.  

For others, the sport is just fun and an outlet; and so it was for me.  It was an opportunity to help.  It was an opportunity to be around my peers.  Gimps understand other gimps.  We do not have to do so much explaining to one another.  And, as an older player, it was easier to help the younger players and serve as a role model. 

But, you also get to see the transition.  Some started off still engaged in the same activity that caused them to be disabled, substance abuse, and then move on to work and being productive.  Being leaders and positive figures and the community.  It is good to see those like Mike Atkins.  I saw the transformation, although it was rough at times.  

Then you have those whom continue along the destructive path.  Being disabled is not enough.  They risk further and new disability, to include and not limited to death.  It is for those you pray for, while having to take stern stances.  It is one such stern stance that has caused a problem for me lately.  Disabled people are not all innocent and “cute and cuddly”.  Instead some people are bitter, have hatred, poor coping skills, or on a destructive path.  There are spirit filled, good people too, me.

It is those to be feared and dealt with.  While it is those like Zippora, from Brooklyn College, whom hated everyone and sued everyone.  It is Jason, the founder of hope SOFEDUP, whom ended up in jail for murder because he could not cope with his disability. 

It is Kevin Bailey, for whom the sport is him becoming human again.  He has to play every game, but he calls himself coach, and has one of the longest losing streaks.  Part of being a coach is knowing and doing what is best for the team.  And, sometimes it means getting off the court so that you can match skills and height rather than “Watch me me me me, play”.  

Sports should be fun and just an outlet.  Like those videos on TV wherein parent and spectators take their sport a little too seriously and fight and duke it out; we need to balance our lives.  Proper coping mechanisms is turning to God in adversity, and there is plenty adversity, because, the disabled are still half people, asexual, and “deserve to get that check” rather than work.  I see too many disability commercials and they are all about getting that check.  

How about using my Master’s degree and giving me a job.  I do not and did not ever want WELFARE.  

To the disabled I say, have fun, and do not let the sport be your source of identity.  

The looming question is always; Is it better to be born disabled, be disabled all your life, or have tasted being able bodied and lost it?  The answer is the disability is only as good as you turn it to a positive.  Yes, you can drink and drug your life away as a coping mechanism.  Yes you can play sports and have that be your identity.  It all depends on what you what and do with your life.  

Get over it and use it;  DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY.  :)

Unfortunately, Baby Momma Drama has caused me in part to put this sport on hold.   

Disability 101

The unfortunate reality is that some people are not born disabled.

Some sort of life event causes them to become disabled.  

For some it is drug use.  For others it is accidents.  The variety of causes are endless.

Some are born into the culture and identity. 

They are disabled from birth, and many due to some infantile illness. 

The problem lies with coping mechanisms. 

I have been a part of a wheelchair basketball team, Triangle Thunder in Raleigh North Carolina (prior to being the Wake Wheelers), and have seen something interesting.

Some use the sport as their identity, and can be very dangerous.  The sport is not just a sport, but rather it is part of their new identity.  Through the sport, they become un-disabled.  They become human again.  They are whole again.  

The sport should be for fun, but for these people, they must play in order to regain their standing in life.  They need to be human again.  

For others, the sport is just fun and an outlet; and so it was for me.  It was an opportunity to help.  It was an opportunity to be around my peers.  Gimps understand other gimps.  We do not have to do so much explaining to one another.  And, as an older player, it was easier to help the younger players and serve as a role model. 

But, you also get to see the transition.  Some started off still engaged in the same activity that caused them to be disabled, substance abuse, and then move on to work and being productive.  Being leaders and positive figures and the community.  It is good to see those like Mike Atkins.  I saw the transformation, although it was rough at times.  

Then you have those whom continue along the destructive path.  Being disabled is not enough.  They risk further and new disability, to include and not limited to death.  It is for those you pray for, while having to take stern stances.  It is one such stern stance that has caused a problem for me lately.  Disabled people are not all innocent and “cute and cuddly”.  Instead some people are bitter, have hatred, poor coping skills, or on a destructive path.  There are spirit filled, good people too, me.

It is those to be feared and dealt with.  While it is those like Zippora, from Brooklyn College, whom hated everyone and sued everyone.  It is Jason, the founder of hope SOFEDUP, whom ended up in jail for murder because he could not cope with his disability. 

It is Kevin Bailey, for whom the sport is him becoming human again.  He has to play every game, but he calls himself coach, and has one of the longest losing streaks.  Part of being a coach is knowing and doing what is best for the team.  And, sometimes it means getting off the court so that you can match skills and height rather than “Watch me me me me, play”.  

Sports should be fun and just an outlet.  Like those videos on TV wherein parent and spectators take their sport a little too seriously and fight and duke it out; we need to balance our lives.  Proper coping mechanisms is turning to God in adversity, and there is plenty adversity, because, the disabled are still half people, asexual, and “deserve to get that check” rather than work.  I see too many disability commercials and they are all about getting that check.  

How about using my Master’s degree and giving me a job.  I do not and did not ever want WELFARE.  

To the disabled I say, have fun, and do not let the sport be your source of identity.  

The looming question is always; Is it better to be born disabled, be disabled all your life, or have tasted being able bodied and lost it?  The answer is the disability is only as good as you turn it to a positive.  Yes, you can drink and drug your life away as a coping mechanism.  Yes you can play sports and have that be your identity.  It all depends on what you what and do with your life.  

Get over it and use it;  DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY.  :)

Unfortunately, Baby Momma Drama has caused me in part to put this sport on hold.