I am Sorry for the Way I Look.

I AM SORRY FOR THE WAY I LOOK.

You said, “Just look at you.  You have tennis shoes on, sweat pants, and a shirt on.”. 

Question:  “When I rolled into your office? What level of education did you think I had?”

Answer:  “It is obvious from what you said, you are well educated ………. Yes I thought you only had a high school diploma.”

Yes, I am sorry for not living up to your expectations. 

I want the Rolex Watch, as I discussed with you.

I want the Car, the Cadillac, as I discussed with you. 

I want someone to come cut my grass, and repair my home, as I discussed with you. 

I would love to have someone come to my home and be paid to clean my home and cook (AND PAID OUT OF MY OWN SALARY).

I would love to have a closet filled with clothes that are suits and ties. 

I would love to have all my clothes picked up and dropped off by the cleaners

I would love a home that cost about half a million dollars.

I would love to have vacations in Europe and abroad. 

I would love for my minimum wage to be $35.00 per hour, and would rather a six figure salary at minimum in the $170,000.00 range. 

I want it too. 

I have never been fired from a job because I did not “dress right”. 

I have never been fired for not brushing my teeth.

I have never been fired for smelling so bad.

I have always gone to work with the proper attire. 

And, AS I DISCUSSED WITH YOU, the only problem I had, that caused the end of my last job, is I wanted to use a visitor entrance without a step, versus an employee entrance with a step.  And yet and still, the victim was blamed (me), as we discussed. 

I am sorry I did not meet your expectations; it is one of those blaming the victim moments.

I have the $140,000.00 in student loans. 

I have the Master’s and was well on my way to the PHD or JD. 

I did what society asked me to do, when I was declined from signing up for the military.

It was 1987, shortly after high school. I went to sign up for the military.  I did not want to be a burden to society.  I wanted to fight and work for my country.  I did not want to be on a government check. 

I entered to ARMED FORCES recruiting offices on Flatbush Avenue and Glenwood in Brooklyn New York.  I asked them to sign me up.  They took out their biggest book with all the excluding conditions, and asked me what I had, scoliosis was one condition.  They looked it up, saw the exclusion, and off I went sadden.    They initially thought I was going there for veterans benefits after having served my country.

So, off on my second try at school I went.  Now I can say that I am a "Certified Educated Idiot" because I have the degrees to prove it. 

As we discussed, I was told, if you get your education, you will get a job, you will have a career, you will have the nice home, the nice, car, the manicured lawn, the home with the artist paintings, and the lush rugs, and the meals cooked and prepared.  That is what I was promised, despite my disability.

The reality is I am living in poverty.  The reality I am struggling to survive.

I am sorry that you presented as feeling somewhat repulsed by my presence.

I am sorry I do not go out to play gulf.

I am sorry that the majority of the people like me, statistically and factually, live in poverty.

I am sorry that the majority of veterans commit suicide, once they are disabled and have fought for their country. 

I am sorry that the highest crime rates are near the military bases. 

I am sorry that from 1990 until present, even with the ADA, the unemployment rate among the disabled is still 2/3.

I am sorry that it was only in the 1990s that the first veteran nursing homes were established in this state.

I am sorry that this state has one of the highest concentrations of veterans. 

I am sorry that the “tax incentive” to hire disabled veterans are not enough to get veterans employed.

I am sorry that veterans tend to be only hired by veteran agencies and organizations, while, the disabled too tend only to be hired by disabled organizations. 

I am sorry I did not come to your office with the fancy suits and the fancy shoes, and, showed the true state that many disabled people and veterans live in in this state.

I am sorry and hoping that you actually focused on the issue. 

The shirt I typically wear has the “DO NOT ENTER EMBLEM”. 

Had I come to your office with a suit and tie, would that make the difference.  Perhaps, I needed a check in hand, a bribe, ticket to the BROADWAY SHOW, theater, etc. 

I am thankful to those legislative assistants that welcomed me with open arms. 

And, I am sorry, to those LA’s that feel like the LA I met this past Monday.  The feeling of being disgusted, while we talked frankly.  “How could you come looking like that?”  What is wrong with you?  She told me her horror story of being in the office and having to talk with an evidently psychotic person, and the unfortunate reality of having to greet the public and have “All types of People” in her office.  It takes a thick skin to deal with the general public, but, having feelings of love and compassion is different from varying level of distaste, incredulity, and disdain.  As you look for answers in a Public Administration and/or Policy Degree, remember humanity. 

The better ones are the ones with the suits and ties and “The Right Look”. 

A disabled person will never have the right look.  And, it was not my choice to have this “LOOK”.  They will always look to the wheelchair first, and talk to the person standing behind me, as if I do not talk or am able to communicate for myself.  That is why I tend to “come alone” to the LA offices, because it is a lifetime of Every Able Bodied person talking to the other person that came with me. 

I was born with cerebral palsy; that is a birth defect.  I did not choose to abide in a young, healthy, beautiful/handsome body. 

I got the impression when you made the comment about the “right to choose”, that you would have aborted me, if I was in your belly.   That is just my impressions while we discussed the appropriateness of government intervention in the lives of citizens.  I am sure my mom, and many others, did not decide, when they got married, “I want a nice disabled child …….. with medical problems galore, etc”.  Those are not the attributes mom’s tend to talk about. 

I was born during a racists era, where, on the books in my country of birth, the 1960s, Eugenics Laws were on the books, in my Beloved Puerto Rico. It was enacted legislation. 

I have a BA in Puerto Rican Studies (Sociology), because I wanted to know my roots. 

I did not like what I found.  I found death among my people by the oppressors.  The Mozart and Roman and Greek History was not mine. I know my heritage.  I am educated.

As we discussed, it is not the first time I was told, “You will not get anywhere with this.”

On the week before, I was told by another LA, with the nice plush red rug and lamp in her office, you will not get anywhere.  They are all up for re-elections and many will not be here. 

I would hope that the ISSUE outweighs the LOOK.  And I am thankful and sorry to those LA’s whom opened the door for me and accepted me into their offices warmly. 

Can we continue to have veterans commit suicide?

Can we continue to have the disabled unemployed?

Is six years of unemployment proper?

You tell me please, what is the answer?  

All I asked for is affirmative employment legislation.

You were gorgeous, you were pleasant, you were FRANK, as we had a FRANK discussion.

It was not a heated discussion but being Honest and I thank you for your time.  And, I honestly am sorry to all the other LA’s that asked me to come back and meet with their representatives.   I asked that they present the issue and if one of the representative would “go with it”.  I am not looking for a moment in the spotlight, that is why I chose to ask only that LA’s present the issue to the Representative.  I do not want to be the Poster Boy.  I have too many people already looking at me whom say “He has a right to die.”  The Poster Boy need not be Jerry’s Kid.  I hated that concept.  But, if I have to meet with representatives because they need a poster boy, then I will.  If they need the face of Poverty and Education, I can step up to the plate.  But, I implore and plead with all representatives and LA’s to just look at the ISSUE and come up with a solution.  

I am sorry; it was not my drug addiction that caused me to be disabled.  It is not something my mom did or did not do.  I am proud of her for not choosing abortion or to abandon her child whom was born DIFFERENT.   She instilled the idea of “GETTING MY EDUCATION” and not following the path that others choose; drugs, suicide, sex, alcohol, crime, and immorality, etc. 

I am sorry for the shirt.

I am sorry for the sweatpants.

I am sorry for the tennis shoes.

I am sorry for the wheelchair.

I AM SORRY FOR THE WAY I LOOK.

 Dedicated to the North Carolina Legislative Assistants of North Carolina.