Diamond Selver

Are U Judgmental?
How do you deal with your guilt and shame.


Dedicated to the Selver and White Family

Matthew 7:1-3King James Version (KJV)

7 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

² For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

³ And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Sometimes, we judge others to deal with our own guilt and shame. 

Adults can be very shameful creatures. 

They hate others without a cause.

They ridicule and despise. 

A child was despised.

She was labeled an “attention seeker”.

She died.

At her school, everyone was instructed “Do not speak her name.”.

At her school, “they pretended no one was ever there, she never existed”.

The most hurt was going to a Christmas Concert, and, no moment of silence was held for her at school. 

No silent prayer for the surviving children and family.

No flag at half-staff at the school.   [No grief and mourning allowed.]

No appropriate memorial or the allowance of grieving children at their school to show their grief. 

Instead, ripped were the memorial letters from her locker.

They Called and label her, JUDGED HER, as an attention seeker. 

The professionals whom probably contributed and caused her death say “do not speak her name in this school”.  

It is hard when your child comes home from school crying because school officials did not allow her to grieve, and, instead interrogated her and other school mates.
It is hard rolling up to a school and not seeing the flag at half-staff knowing a tragedy occurred there.
It is hard going to support your daughter at her concert, and, seeing the seats and knowing a young child used to sit and play there, but is now gone, and, kids are forbidden to mention her name.
It is hard addressing it these things through email and not receiving a proper response.  

And, the professionals.

Those professionals that were providing therapy.

The same type of suicide rate is for the professionals.   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3124780/

What does that mean? 

The bottom line here is the therapist and psychologist are first to blame, and, they were working with this child. 

Child Protective Services are secondary [assuming the child is the first to blame] responsible for her death.

Why blame the child for her death? 

She wanted and asked to leave the house.

In her mind, whether or not based in reality, she was stigmatized and labeled a trouble maker.

So, she asked to leave, but was not allowed to leave. 

We were scared of the home environment.

My son did not even want to go to the neighborhood because he was scared. 

It was the GHETTO neighborhood.  I called it Little Africa.

It was an awful neighborhood.

So, was her request to be removed from the neighborhood imaginary or attention seeking. 

No. it was not. 

My daughter remarked on how horrible the home looked inside. 

We only saw the outside and we frightened. 

It is not a sin or bad to grow up and live in the ghetto.

I grew up and lived there and thank God, He made a way for me.

My daughter saw the need when the adults did not. 

She asked me if we could help by having her stay at our home from time to time. 

I said “YES”.  I was not judgmental.  I based my yes on what my daughter saw. 

She saw someone dying and in need. 

She saw one of her best friends.  And, now her best friend is GONE. 

She did not judge Diamond, she wanted to help Diamond. 

I could only hope all the adults could have acted like my daughter. 

Instead of judging, they should have helped. 

Is the judging helping the surviving children?

Now, Diamond’s sister has to attend a school where her sister was labeled a trouble maker, and, the adults, the school and county officials, placed their stamp of approval on that judgement. 

Can you imagine attending a school where your sister was labeled a fool?

Can you imagine the laughing at her because of the adults that lacked sympathy and empathy, but acted hostilely with apathy and negativity?

Can you imaging the surviving children losing their friends and an additional loss if they are transferred from the school?

A beacon of hope was found when I saw the Facebook page announcement on the East Wake Church of God Website.  They announced the passing of a loved one, not the passing of a fool or attention seeker.  No judgment there, but only expressions of love and loss.

The family had a history of problems, they say.

It seems like, “she deserved to die”. 

I cannot find in myself the ability to conclude a child at the age of 13 deserved to die.  I just cannot do it. 

We tried to help.  We showed up to take her to our home; but, we found the county and city law enforcement and emergency services vehicles.  Our involvement with the family was new.  We knew her for a short time.  My daughter made the quick assessment and decision to help.  I supported her and did not JUDGE Diamond. 

I could only hope and pray that as adults we all listen to our children.  That we pay attention to what they say.  That we withhold judgment. That we love them.

Sometimes, God can bring us a message through our children.  Adults can be hard headed and set in  their ways and JUDGMENTAL

. 

Diamond did not deserve to die.

Diamond was not an attention seekers. 

Diamond was a child that sought help.

Diamond was a child that died without getting the help she needed. 
Diamond was an artist.
Diamond was a musician.
Diamond was a singer.

What do we do when we see a family in need, like the White-Selver Family?

It is easier to judge and label them than to try to help. 

I have no heaven or hell to place Diamond in.
I do not know where she is, but that is between her and God.
I do not know if someone egged her on to do what she did.
I do not know her motives.
I do not know if the medications or anything else caused her not to think clearly.
I do not know all these things and other things and I would not rather choose to judge and label her.
I choose, like my daughter, to mourn her loss, and, continue to try to prevent other losses.  And, I am hoping no other family members, siblings included, make the same choice, but we are willing to help to make sure they are able to move past this horror.
Let us reserve judgment for that Day of Judgment that will come.
And, if we offended anyone, I would ask that we all kneel down and pray and ask for forgiveness so that no one else will be lost.
I am praying for her school mates and making the same prayers and efforts for all of them.  

In loving memory of Diamond Selver and the White Family.

My prayers are for Kelly White and the entire surviving family so that they can move pass this difficult time. 

GOD Bless.